I watched G.I. Joe and my brain didn't die!

My friends are really judgmental about a lot of stuff, and I can't really blame them because I'm kind of like that too about some things, so when we decided to go watch G.I. Joe today, I knew we weren't going to do it for the entertainment value of the picture, but rather, for the laugh-inducing experience that usually comes from going to the cinema together and completely eviscerating a movie as it progresses through a plethora of snarky remarks and small jokes.

This time it wasn't quite as easy to to do due to the theater being packed, but as usual my friends don't really care if they're alone or surrounded by a crowd. When they feel like ranting they'll rant, and so will I, to be honest. And we did. Boy did we?

The most striking thing to me was the parade of cheesy lines that takes place throughout the ENTIRETY OF THE MOVIE! "That redhead is really starting to annoy me" or "This is just the start" made me laugh really hard. It was all recycled from almost every action movie since the 90's.

Next came the CGI's. This movie was riddled with them. I can understand a movie like Transformers being riddled with CGI's because, well, it's giant transforming robots from outer space. But G.I Joe is glorified Black Ops at best, so really, it's not that imperative.

It was also very unrealistic, with the suits that turn you into superman and the nanites that eat through metal and destroy cities, and massive industrial plants and secret bases beneath Paris and the Arctic Ocean and the Egyptian Desert, and the submarines and the planes and the helicopters and the crazy japanese ninja kids that kill their own masters and the western kids that drove them to that who are now black-clad, silent killer-types, and mind-contro,l and explosions, and blah blah blah blah!

I think It shouldn't be hard for anyone to conclude that I found this movie terrible, but actually, that wouldn't be entirely true, because the same could be said of almost any movie that has come out every summer for the past three years or so, and even though it is most certainly true, there is something that you have to accept about this kind of movie and that kind of justifies the way it is: it is a popcorn movie!

It doesn't need to be deep, or plot-driven, or even coherent, or even have good acting. It just needs to be entertaining, and this movie... well, it does have its entertainment value, but it's not really mind-blowing. It is a good movie in those terms, but let me tell you, it's no Transformers, it's no Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull, and it's definitely no Iron Man. It's just a typical, rather forgettable popcorn movie, that will most likely do well, and we'll likely see a sequel of in a year or two, but that's about it.

If you can deal with that, go ahead and waste your ten dollars. And if you can't, then hold on to them a little longer and maybe something better will come out next week.