God, I'm spending more time online than I wish I did. It's probably because the summer is winding down and most of my friends have gone back to full-work, or are getting ready to go back to school, so... Gah...
Sometimes I wish I was going to school. Sometimes I wish I was working on my education, but then I have to wonder, what the hell am I going to prepare for, when I can't yet decide what the hell I wanna do with my life? When I graduated high school, everyone around me seemed to have a plan. Everyone was either going to be a doctor or a lawyer, or some kind of engineer, or a business manager, or an architect, or even something as boring and depressing as an accountant, and I remember being one of those people.
I wanted to become a lawyer when I graduated high school. The idea of it made me feel rather enthused, and thinking about it rationally, it was really something that made sense, and I never thought it would be difficult to me, something that I was able to confirm a few months later, when I actually went to college and started working towards my law degree. Rationally speaking, it was a good choice. But then I realized that reason and emotion don't go hand-in-hand. I realized that I didn't really wanna a be a lawyer, and I dropped out.
And ever since then, this is what I've been doing. Working, wasting time online, living a life that I don't really want to live, but what else am I to do? If I could decide what I want to do with my life and say "hey, this is what I'm going to work on and I'll like it", then that's what I'd be doing, but my mind doesn't really work like that. I can't decide on anything. I like a lot of stuff, but I can't say I feel especially passionate about something, and I don't wanna waste more college tuition fees on aimlessly testing the waters, so to speak.
So instead, I'm sitting here on a late summer night, typing this blog. And it sucks, because I feel like I should be doing something. I should be working towards something instead of having a half-assed job that I don't care about. Maybe I should travel to see if that clears my head.
What do you think?
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
11 August, 2009
01 August, 2009
Work to live or live to work?
I know today's entry is kind of a late one, but I was busy all day doing stuff, and no, it wasn't work-related stuff, I was simply hanging out with a few acquaintances I hadn't seen or heard from in a while, as well as with my parents. In fact, the only reason why I'm home right now is to take a shower and change into something more fitting for the nightly atmosphere that I'll be diving into with the aforementioned friends in about an hour. If it wasn't for that I probably wouldn't have been able to write a blog today and my thus far perfect record of writing at least an entry a day would've been ruined, so yeah... random, much? I don't really know how I got here, as this isn't really what I want to talk about.
What I want to talk about comes from something that happened just a few minutes ago. I was driving home, just a few moments away from my doorstep, when I got a call from one of my oldest friends. I haven't seen him in a while due to our hectic schedules, so he wanted to know if I could spare some time to hang out with him sometime this week. My response, of course, was to tell him that we should hang out now, seeing as I was bound to meet all the guys tonight. I had expected him to say yes, buy as it turns out, today, Saturday, he was working, and he's still working; his shift won't be over 'till around midnight, at which time he will take an hour-long drive to get to his home, to sleep for around five to six hours, get up, shower, dress and head back out to work half a shift tomorrow morning.
When he told me that, I asked him right away if he was short of money (I know it's a bit rude, but that's the way me and my friends are with each other), but again, while expecting confirmation I was sorely disappointed. It's not an extra shift, it's just the way his work... well, works.
Obviously he gets a couple days off during the week and whatnot, but still, this got me thinking. I wouldn't take a job, no matter how good the pay may be, that precluded me from having some time to hang out with my friends and family every once in a while. Because the point of having a job, at least from my perspective, at this point in life, shouldn't be regarded as nothing more than a means to an end, a way to get by. If you want to have a career, that's fine, but you have to allow yourself some time to just live. For most people that's college, but my friend chose not to go to college, instead getting straight into working, and I feel like he's missing out on some things.
The age that we're in right now -- our early 20's -- is supposed to be a time of self-discovery. And I know it sounds a bit corny, but I really do believe that. This is the time when we learn who he are and what we want to become, and I feel that by constraining yourself with tight work schedules and routine, you risk stifling that process, and while you might not think much of it right now, ten or fifteen years down the line there's a very good chance you'll wake up one morning and realize that the life that you have is not the one you wanted, and then, it might be a bit too late to do something about it, and you're going to have to live with that.
I don't want to do that. I don't want to have that kind of regret. So instead of living to work like my friend seems to be doing, I rather see what life is like, and work is just a small part of the equation. There'll be time to chain myself to a career three or four years from now, but at the moment, I just want to work to live.
What I want to talk about comes from something that happened just a few minutes ago. I was driving home, just a few moments away from my doorstep, when I got a call from one of my oldest friends. I haven't seen him in a while due to our hectic schedules, so he wanted to know if I could spare some time to hang out with him sometime this week. My response, of course, was to tell him that we should hang out now, seeing as I was bound to meet all the guys tonight. I had expected him to say yes, buy as it turns out, today, Saturday, he was working, and he's still working; his shift won't be over 'till around midnight, at which time he will take an hour-long drive to get to his home, to sleep for around five to six hours, get up, shower, dress and head back out to work half a shift tomorrow morning.
When he told me that, I asked him right away if he was short of money (I know it's a bit rude, but that's the way me and my friends are with each other), but again, while expecting confirmation I was sorely disappointed. It's not an extra shift, it's just the way his work... well, works.
Obviously he gets a couple days off during the week and whatnot, but still, this got me thinking. I wouldn't take a job, no matter how good the pay may be, that precluded me from having some time to hang out with my friends and family every once in a while. Because the point of having a job, at least from my perspective, at this point in life, shouldn't be regarded as nothing more than a means to an end, a way to get by. If you want to have a career, that's fine, but you have to allow yourself some time to just live. For most people that's college, but my friend chose not to go to college, instead getting straight into working, and I feel like he's missing out on some things.
The age that we're in right now -- our early 20's -- is supposed to be a time of self-discovery. And I know it sounds a bit corny, but I really do believe that. This is the time when we learn who he are and what we want to become, and I feel that by constraining yourself with tight work schedules and routine, you risk stifling that process, and while you might not think much of it right now, ten or fifteen years down the line there's a very good chance you'll wake up one morning and realize that the life that you have is not the one you wanted, and then, it might be a bit too late to do something about it, and you're going to have to live with that.
I don't want to do that. I don't want to have that kind of regret. So instead of living to work like my friend seems to be doing, I rather see what life is like, and work is just a small part of the equation. There'll be time to chain myself to a career three or four years from now, but at the moment, I just want to work to live.
31 July, 2009
Reasons
Today has been kind of a slow day to me. Nothing exciting has happened, so I don't really have much to write about, but I still decided I had to do this, even if I didn't really feel like it, basically because when I started this blog a few days ago I promised myself that I would update it once a day. Why, you ask? Because I feel like I have to.
Right now I don't really have anything that is constant in my life. There have been several things that I've had to let go of over the past several months, some of which were really important to me and it pained me to leave them behind, and others that were more noxious to my life in general than anything else, and that were, in fact, the main drive behind walking away from the things that I did. My friends and family I can't really rely on because they have their own lives and their own concerns to deal with. Plus, it kind of goes against what I'm trying to do, which is basically to find my own footing in this world, just like most, if not all of you are doing.
Some people might argue that work can be considered a constant, but I don't really see it that way, because to me, at the moment, work is merely a means to an end. There's really nothing more to it. There's no flavor, no satisfaction to be had from that aspect of my life right now, and I'm really fine with that, because, well, it's just what I do to pay the rent and that's it.
So that leaves me with this.
So why do I do it? First of all, because it's a good way to vent. Pouring your thoughts and ideas into your keyboard instead of keeping them locked up inside your brain is actually very liberating and in a sense exciting, because, like anyone who writes a blog, or a book, or a newspaper/magazine column, I just want people to read what I write. Whether they like it or hate it is up to them; the important part is that it's there for the world to see, and that it is generating a reaction. Positive, Negative, Indifferent. Who cares? What matters is that it's happening.
Second reason why I'm doing this, because it's a good exercise. Dedicating myself to writing someday is an idea that I've been toying with for a long time, both consciously and unconsciously. Now, it'd be pretentious of me to consider myself a perfect writer; i still have much to learn, much to try, and much to live before I can even indulge myself in that notion. So, as a first step in that direction, I decided to start this blog, because no matter how bad I may be at this, if I keep this constantly, eventually my writing is bound to improve, if only a little, and that prospect is good enough for me.
And last, but not least, I'm doing this because, like I said before, I'm in need of something that is constant. Something that doesn't change no matter how strange things may get in my daily life. And this is it.
So do you think any of these is a good enough reason to write a blog?
Right now I don't really have anything that is constant in my life. There have been several things that I've had to let go of over the past several months, some of which were really important to me and it pained me to leave them behind, and others that were more noxious to my life in general than anything else, and that were, in fact, the main drive behind walking away from the things that I did. My friends and family I can't really rely on because they have their own lives and their own concerns to deal with. Plus, it kind of goes against what I'm trying to do, which is basically to find my own footing in this world, just like most, if not all of you are doing.
Some people might argue that work can be considered a constant, but I don't really see it that way, because to me, at the moment, work is merely a means to an end. There's really nothing more to it. There's no flavor, no satisfaction to be had from that aspect of my life right now, and I'm really fine with that, because, well, it's just what I do to pay the rent and that's it.
So that leaves me with this.
So why do I do it? First of all, because it's a good way to vent. Pouring your thoughts and ideas into your keyboard instead of keeping them locked up inside your brain is actually very liberating and in a sense exciting, because, like anyone who writes a blog, or a book, or a newspaper/magazine column, I just want people to read what I write. Whether they like it or hate it is up to them; the important part is that it's there for the world to see, and that it is generating a reaction. Positive, Negative, Indifferent. Who cares? What matters is that it's happening.
Second reason why I'm doing this, because it's a good exercise. Dedicating myself to writing someday is an idea that I've been toying with for a long time, both consciously and unconsciously. Now, it'd be pretentious of me to consider myself a perfect writer; i still have much to learn, much to try, and much to live before I can even indulge myself in that notion. So, as a first step in that direction, I decided to start this blog, because no matter how bad I may be at this, if I keep this constantly, eventually my writing is bound to improve, if only a little, and that prospect is good enough for me.
And last, but not least, I'm doing this because, like I said before, I'm in need of something that is constant. Something that doesn't change no matter how strange things may get in my daily life. And this is it.
So do you think any of these is a good enough reason to write a blog?
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